super mom??

Why do I feel like I need to be super mom?? Why do I think I need to be the best and do the best and do it all by myself??
I have a wonderful support system.... an amazing husband that would literally do anything for me, yet I refuse to give him the opportunity. a great extended family that does nothing but love me, yet I refuse to feel it. awesome friends that will listen to whatever is on my heart, yet I can't seem to speak my words and feelings to them.
I've been trying so hard to let go of this 'control' in my life. Instead of being the 'all-powerful mom' I keep thinking I should be, I desperately want to be dependent on other people to help me get through this phase in my life. I'm just not quite sure how to let go.
Over the course of trying to find healing, I keep lecturing myself on baby steps. I can't do it all or change it all in one day, so I just need to take baby steps. If I do the things that seem to be the easiest now, I can release myself from those burdens so I have more energy to focus on the bigger things that consume me.
Wanna know something funny? I recently decided to get rid of all my matching dishes (i saved one nice, complete set in case I ever need to fall back on it). Instead of being matchy-matchy, I decided to use unique, individual pieces. Nothing matches. The plates don't match themselves and none of them match the bowls (for the most part, anyway..) Last night at dinner, Nate asked me how it was that we went from having all matching dishes to this complete randomness.... I answered him simply, "because that's what I decided I wanted to do." But in that very moment, I realized something I hadn't before. This was a baby step towards letting go of control (seriously, folks, I'm a control freak). Previously, I could not set the table with 4 plates that didn't match. It would drive me CRAZY. But now I can just count how many people are eating and plop that many plates on the table without stressing over whether they all look the same. And ya know what?? Sometimes I even eat off of a Dora plate! Wooo.... I'm getting all wild and crazy over here!!
It just seems so funny to me, because this is not at all what I intended when I decided to switcheroo the dishes -- but I literally feel like I have freed myself from some kind of bondage! Crazy, I know.... but if you lived in my head, you'd totally get it! :)