Somebody figure out how to bottle this!

21 weeks pregnant. 7 weeks drug-free.
Before we even started trying to conceive this third child, I was worried about how pregnancy, depression, and my 'happy pills' would all work together to make a happy, healthy mama and baby. Of course, I knew it wasn't ideal to be taking these pills while pregnant, but I also knew it wasn't ideal to be chronically depressed while carrying a child and caring for two others.  I was certain there was a happy medium and that I would find it. Unfortunately, there wasn't. After much research and talking to my doctor (whose medical and personal opinions I truly do value), I came to this truth -- my depression was still too severe. My conclusion was that it was healthier for me, my baby, and my family for me to be medicated than to be depressed.  Although this isn't the decision i wanted to make, I decided it was the one I needed to make.
Fast forward to about 10 weeks into my pregnancy. I was struggling with all-things-pregnancy anyway. I was sick, I was tired, I was overall uncomfortable. Things I didn't have to deal with in my first two pregnancies.  And on top of all of this, I was getting really irritated with EVERYTHING. I was angry. I was short tempered. I was miserable and I felt I was making everyone around me miserable.  And then the unthinkable happened. I ran out of pills. (I know. You are asking yourself how I let that happen. C'mon people... I'm pregnant. That means that automatically three-quarters of my brain stops working. That's just the way it works for me, folks.)  It was a Friday. So, I waited until Monday to call the Dr. for a refill. When I called, I found out they had changed the way they process refill requests and I was told it could take up to 3 days for my request to be filled. Ugh.
But what happened over the course of those 5 or 6 days confused me. My emotions were changing, for sure. But for the better, not for the worse. I felt calmer. I was able to face life with a more level-head. Things just weren't bothering me like they had been. I noticed these changes inside myself, and I liked these changes. But certainly it just couldn't be. I am a depressed person.. I can't feel better OFF my meds. That doesn't make sense!! I gave it a few more days, but then decided to start taking the pills again because if I fall too far 'off the wagon' it will be a long hard recovery to try to 'fix' myself.
But within two days, those negative feelings were coming back. I don't know if other people were noticing the changes, but I was definitely feeling them. And I did not like them. So then I was faced with another decision I didn't know how to make. Do I risk the fallout that could happen if I go off my meds? Or do I risk being irritable for the next 7ish months. Which risk was greater?  So I made the decision, without consulting anyone else, to quit. Cold turkey. I was done with those little pink pills.
So far this little experiment of mine has been nothing but successful. Yes, I am more emotional (like - crying, teary sort of emotional), but I'm pregnant.... that's to be expected, right?? :)  And if I'm being honest, it's been kind of nice to really be able to feel those raw emotions again!  I feel good!!
So, really, if someone can figure out how to bottle these pregnancy hormones that make me feel so good, I'll buy it!! Make it a juice, make it a powder.... or even better, make it into ice cream!!
I know in a few short months I'm going to have to face the tough decision of re-introducing those pills into my life. And if and when it comes to that, I will do it. Because I know from experience it is the best decision for my family. But until then, I'm praising God everyday for the opportunity to grow this tiny little girl without the fear of what those drugs may do to her little body!  God truly is good... ALL THE TIME!  He really does care about the big things AND the little things. And I love the fact that He continually chooses to show me that!