Thursday, August 11, 2011
the little guy that follows me around
ok.... this is by no means any type of advertisement for any drugs. i have never taken abilify. i just decided to share this ad because the first time i saw it, it hit me in such a significant way. if you will notice, even though she is on medication for her depression and is even taking another drug to help her anti-depressant work better, her depression is always there. yes, it is more manageable. she is able to function more normally because it is smaller... not so all-encompassing. but it's still there. it's always there. everywhere she goes, that little guy is right behind her. almost as if he is set and prepared to attack at a moments notice.
that is exactly how depression feels for me. it doesn't matter how good i feel day-to-day, i always know i have this animal riding on my back ... maybe sleeping right now, but never too far away...
WOW
.... that is the way many of you have responded to this blog, and that seems to be the best response to give back to you.
i published this blog as a way of getting these feelings off my heart. as a way of telling those closest to me what i was going through so it wasn't a secret anymore. i was tired of 'putting on a show.' just ready for the real me to be completely exposed.
what i didn't expect was the absolute outpouring of support i have received. it just goes to show, if you give people the opportunity to care about you, they really will.
thank you so much for your kind words, your prayers, and also for sharing your own stories. you know what they say... misery loves company. this is the second traumatic, life-changing experience i've lived through (i suppose i should praise the Lord that it's only 2!!) and in both situations, my view has been this: "this sucks. but if me experiencing it means that someone else doesn't have to, then it is worth every heartache i have felt." so, i guess there is two sides to 'misery loves company.' first... it's so nice to be able to share these experiences with others. it's not so lonely that way. and it makes me feel like less of an alien. it's comforting to know that others have felt these feelings and even acted the same as i have on occasion. so maybe i'm not as horrible as i sometimes think i am. second.... i fall back to 'this sucks.' it makes me so sad that other mothers have felt this way. because i know how their heart has broken. i know how their families have suffered. i know how alone they have felt. i know how hard it has been for them to put one foot in front of the other just to get through one day (and sometimes just one hour). and i know how scared they were to tell anyone what they were going through.
the initial mission of this blog was all about me. healing me. but there is a second mission. you. i know, now, just how prevalent this disease is. but we all know that. you can read that in any book. but books and statistics don't mean anything when you are all alone in your bedroom afraid to come out and face the world.
i hope by sharing this blog, i can help someone else know there is hope. day by day i am finding a little more hope and it is my desire that others can find that hope, too.
here is a glimpse into some of the emails and other notes i have received over the past couple of weeks:
"your words are my words"
"your stories are my stories"
"know that you aren't alone"
"thank you for being transparent"
"you have made me feel normal"
"God is going to use you to help others"
"thank you!"
"maybe i should have reached out for help, too"
"i'm glad you shared"
the list goes on and on.... so, again, i say thank you for all your support, kind words, and prayers. i'm going to conquer this beast and when it's all said and done, please know that you helped!!!
and, PLEASE!! keep sharing your stories with me. whether it's about ppd, another type of depression, a bad day, or any other story that has been brought to your mind after reading this. your stories are really what this is all about!
i published this blog as a way of getting these feelings off my heart. as a way of telling those closest to me what i was going through so it wasn't a secret anymore. i was tired of 'putting on a show.' just ready for the real me to be completely exposed.
what i didn't expect was the absolute outpouring of support i have received. it just goes to show, if you give people the opportunity to care about you, they really will.
thank you so much for your kind words, your prayers, and also for sharing your own stories. you know what they say... misery loves company. this is the second traumatic, life-changing experience i've lived through (i suppose i should praise the Lord that it's only 2!!) and in both situations, my view has been this: "this sucks. but if me experiencing it means that someone else doesn't have to, then it is worth every heartache i have felt." so, i guess there is two sides to 'misery loves company.' first... it's so nice to be able to share these experiences with others. it's not so lonely that way. and it makes me feel like less of an alien. it's comforting to know that others have felt these feelings and even acted the same as i have on occasion. so maybe i'm not as horrible as i sometimes think i am. second.... i fall back to 'this sucks.' it makes me so sad that other mothers have felt this way. because i know how their heart has broken. i know how their families have suffered. i know how alone they have felt. i know how hard it has been for them to put one foot in front of the other just to get through one day (and sometimes just one hour). and i know how scared they were to tell anyone what they were going through.
the initial mission of this blog was all about me. healing me. but there is a second mission. you. i know, now, just how prevalent this disease is. but we all know that. you can read that in any book. but books and statistics don't mean anything when you are all alone in your bedroom afraid to come out and face the world.
i hope by sharing this blog, i can help someone else know there is hope. day by day i am finding a little more hope and it is my desire that others can find that hope, too.
here is a glimpse into some of the emails and other notes i have received over the past couple of weeks:
"your words are my words"
"your stories are my stories"
"know that you aren't alone"
"thank you for being transparent"
"you have made me feel normal"
"God is going to use you to help others"
"thank you!"
"maybe i should have reached out for help, too"
"i'm glad you shared"
the list goes on and on.... so, again, i say thank you for all your support, kind words, and prayers. i'm going to conquer this beast and when it's all said and done, please know that you helped!!!
and, PLEASE!! keep sharing your stories with me. whether it's about ppd, another type of depression, a bad day, or any other story that has been brought to your mind after reading this. your stories are really what this is all about!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
the plan for today.....
.....quiet discipline
sometimes i really struggle with discipline. not because i don't want to teach my kids right from wrong, but because some days it's just so hard to sit and watch them cry. but with a 3 year old and almost 2 year old in the house who are both playing their roles very well (the terrible 2s and trying 3s), discipline has started to come almost too easy. i have seen my pendulum swing successfully from one extreme to the other -- super sensitive and understanding to yelling and spanking with no apologies. and i know there is a middle ground somewhere that i am supposed to find.
so today i'm going to try to be the mom i always intended to be when i first became a parent: the fits will be fits. if you feel the need to throw a fit, that's fine, but i'm not going to do anything to stop it and i'm not going to sit by your side and wait for it to stop. when you are finished with your fit, you can come fine me and we will talk about it.
and i'm not going to raise my voice or my hand today. no yelling -- no spanking. there will be 3 calm warnings before you are walked quietly to time out.
i hope i have the patience to pull this off today. because i know this is what my house needs. especially during this trying season of 2 and 3 year olds!!
sometimes i really struggle with discipline. not because i don't want to teach my kids right from wrong, but because some days it's just so hard to sit and watch them cry. but with a 3 year old and almost 2 year old in the house who are both playing their roles very well (the terrible 2s and trying 3s), discipline has started to come almost too easy. i have seen my pendulum swing successfully from one extreme to the other -- super sensitive and understanding to yelling and spanking with no apologies. and i know there is a middle ground somewhere that i am supposed to find.
so today i'm going to try to be the mom i always intended to be when i first became a parent: the fits will be fits. if you feel the need to throw a fit, that's fine, but i'm not going to do anything to stop it and i'm not going to sit by your side and wait for it to stop. when you are finished with your fit, you can come fine me and we will talk about it.
and i'm not going to raise my voice or my hand today. no yelling -- no spanking. there will be 3 calm warnings before you are walked quietly to time out.
i hope i have the patience to pull this off today. because i know this is what my house needs. especially during this trying season of 2 and 3 year olds!!
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